Apocalypse, Armageddon, Alfonso Soriano!

Elizabeth Newman is a doomsayer. In her si.com column, The Queen's Court, the writer lambasts the Washington Nationals in an article entitled, "National Soap Opera: Baseball is Back in DC and so Are its Problems." In her little tirade, she slams the entire Nationals organization, in so doing using FIVE religious expressions. Did she write this on her way home from church?

When the Washington Nationals imprudently throw in the towel by sending All-Star outfielder Alfonso Soriano packing before the July 31 trade deadline, fans in the nation's capital should remember the bible verse John 16:24: "Ask, and ye shall receive."

Wait, when did we ask for Alfonso to be traded? Also, I know Washington D.C. is below the Mason-Dixon line and therefore technically the south, but we're not the Bible Belt, sweetheart. Save the good book references for your columns about Midwestern teams or the SEC.

As if White House scandals and having Peter Angelos right down the highway in Baltimore weren't enough, for 33 years Washingtonians hoped and prayed for a Major League Baseball team.

First, Baltimore would be 'up' the highway, not down. Her geography sucks. Second, if you make one more religious reference I'm going to throw something at you.

The Nats, in all their glory, were even in first place in the NL East for a little while, giving many fans a glimmer of hope that there would be a miracle on East Capitol Street.

A miracle? Really? Where's a brick when you need one?

Fast-forward to this season and those good times seem like a distant memory. The Nationals are currently 14 games out of first place, having won a measly 37 games. The most recent embarrassment was a 18-9 loss to the Marlins. Attendance at RFK Stadium is down almost 20 percent from last year, and the team has dropped from 11th to 17th place in attendance.

Well, the Nats may be 14 games out of first, but they're also only 1.5 games out of second. The New York Mets are running away with the NL East and everyone else is left to play catch up. Even though they finished 81 - 81 last year the Nats also finished dead last in the NL East. Even with a losing record, the Nats could finish ahead of that this year. I think the organization would trade a few wins for a better finish. Glass half full.

Also, if the Nats are 17th in league attendance there must be 13 other articles that are more deserving of our time than this one.

Unfortunately, fans in Washington will be scrambling to see what's left of their beloved baseball club after July 31. They know it would take a miracle for the Nationals to both keep Soriano and make the postseason.

OH MY GOD. Seriously. Stop this. My liberal heart can't take it! As God as my witness I will strike thee down in anger and furious vengeance!

So I ask, Is this really the type of hype Washingtonians waited 33 years for? To be given a hopeless team in a $600 million stadium near the river with all of the stage drama of a prime-time soap? I should think not. But then again, Washington asked for it, and the city shall receive.

Preach sista, preach!

Washingtonians didn't wait 33 years for hype. Hype doesn't float in this town. We waited 33 years to be able to watch Ryan Zimmerman hit two walk-off homers and another game-winning single in less than a month. We waited 33 years to be able to watch Alfonso Soriano battle for the league lead in Home Runs while playing in the least homer-friendly park in the bigs. We waited 33 years to be able to watch baseball without going to Baltimore.

Can I get a 'AMEN'?